The Mother's Role in Raising the Children
By M. I. Patel
The Ummah is deeply indebted to the efforts of the great luminaries of Islam. Everyone pays tribute to the Muhadditheen, Mufassireen, Jurists and Mubaaligheen for their exemplary efforts and services to Deen. However, most people are unaware of the fact that many of these great sons of Islam were brought up entirely by their mothers. It was the mother’s efforts in moulding their character and personality that eventually prepared them for the great task that they performed later in life. Thus, great tribute should be paid to these silent mothers for the foundational role that they played.
Imaam Maalik (Radhiyallaahu Anhu) is a very well known Muhaddith and Imaam of jurisprudence. His Ustaadh was Rabiatur Rai (RA). Imaam Rabiatur Rai (RA) was a renowned Muhaddith of Madinatul Munawwara. He was still not even born when his father left Madinatul Munawwara for the purpose of Jihad. One thing followed another and he finally only returned home 27 years later. As he approached his house, he noticed a young stranger emerging. This disturbed him and he sternly questioned the young stranger with regard to his identity. The stranger replied in a similar manner and both began raising their voices. The woman of the house overheard this and came to the door. She immediately recognised her husband who had left 27 years before and she informed him that the stranger is none other than the child that was still to be born at the time of his departure. Likewise, the young man was introduced to his father. Later in the day he inquired from his wife as to what she did with the money that he had left behind with her. She advised him to first go to the Masjid and perform his Salaat and upon returning, she will give him the details of how she had spent the money. In the Masjid he found a huge gathering of people around a Muhaddith taking the lessons of Hadith. From far away, he did not recognise the Ustaadh but upon approaching closer he was astonished to find that this huge gathering was being addressed by none other than his own son, Imaam Rabiatur Rai (RA). His happiness knew no bounds. When he returned home, his wife informed him that the money had been spent in educating his son and making him a Muhaddith. Hence, the world of Deeni knowledge has heard of the greatness of Imaam Rabiatur Rai (RA) but few know of the sacrifices of his mother in his upbringing. It is mentioned that she never breastfed her child without Wudhu. This was the foundation of developing the great qualities that were to shine later in his life.
Many other great personalities were brought-up by their mothers alone. Among them is also Imaam Bukhari (RA). The mother’s influence on the infant child is far greater than that of the father. The first Madrasah is after all the lap of the mother. Hence, it is necessary that the mother becomes aware of the great role she has to play in nurturing the child. If proper attention is given in this regard, the Ghazzaalis and Razis will once again be born.
Saturday 26 February 2011
Encouraging Children to Pray
Encouraging Children to Pray
Practical Tips on Getting Your Little Loved Ones to Make and Enjoy Salah
By Maysoon Zaza
In a hadeeth narrated by Abdullah ibn Qart the Messenger of Allah (saws) said,
"The first act that the servant of Allah will be accountable for on the Day of Judgment will be salah. If it is good, then the rest of his acts will be good. And if it is evil, then the rest of his acts will be evil." (Tabarani)
Furthermore, salah was the first act of worship that was made obligatory by Allah. Therefore, due to its extreme importance to the Believer, salah should be one of the first acts of worship that parents should teach their children.
When discussing teaching children how to make salah parents typically ask when is it necessary to begin teaching their children. Let us be realistic; learning how to make salah is not easy for children or in some cases adults. It can take a lot of work to master even the simplest elements of salah. The learner must memorize the various du'aa and Surah's of the Qur'an- not to mention the other required portions of the salah. Furthermore, there must be work on proper pronunciation and rules on how, when, and what makes salah valid. This is not an overnight process but rather one that takes times. Therefore, this leaves us with the question-when should children learn how to make salah?
Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-As, narrated that the Apostle of Allah, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, said, "Command your children to make salah when they become seven years old, and spank them for it (salah) when they become ten years old, and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately." (Abu Dawud). This does not mean that parents can only start teaching their children how to perform it when they reach the age of seven. Rather, informal instruction should start when a child starts to show an interest in salah, which usually occurs around the age of two. It is only human nature that children love to imitate their parents. In fact, this is one method that Allah has provided us for teaching our youth.
Therefore, it is important for parents of small children to let them "pretend" to make the salah along side of the parents. The benefits for this are twofold. First, it teaches children that it is necessary to make salah everyday five times a day. And second, it helps children learn the physical movements of the salah. It really is amazing how fast a two-year-old will learn the phrase Allahu-Akbar when he performs salah along side of his parents!
The next step is to teach your child al-Fatihah. This should begin around the age of three or four. When teaching children Surah's or any other portions of the salah that must be memorized; it is important to remember to break down the instructions by using a reasonable number of verses or small segments. In other words, teaching a child how to perform the salah should be done progressively in small steps. It is important to practice reciting the previously learned material consistently everyday along with any new material. These practice sessions should only last between 5 to 15 minutes. At this age, length of practice is not as important as consistency. Also, it is important to note that not everyday will your child be ready to learn new material. Work on mastery of material not quantity. The other question many parents ask is whether or not to teach Surah's using Tajweed. Actually, many parents find it helpful to combine the two. Children have an amazing ability to remember songs in commercials or various children's song. For many children, the act of singing actually makes it easier to memorize. However, at this age it is important not to focus on the rules of recitation but rather on the content.
While the presence of a teacher or parent teaching children the proper method of making salah can not be underestimated, many parents find supplemental materials helpful in teaching their children how to make salah. Every year new educational products are being introduced into the Muslim market. Today, Muslim parents have available coloring books, storybooks, developmentally appropriate teaching videotapes, audio tapes, and computer programs to enhance the learning process. Generally children learn new tasks best if teaching material is presented in a variety of formats. The use of such material will only help increase the speed and amount of learning for your child not to mention that it will make the experience more enjoyable.
Lastly, one of the most important aspects of successful teaching is praise and encouragement. Remember that children like to please their parents. Also, it is really important that parents praise and celebrate their children's accomplishments. This is especially true for learning how to make salah. After the mastery of a section, children typically feel a strong sense of achievement. Praise motivates the child to continue to learn and accomplish new goals.
First published in Al-Jumuah magazine.
Practical Tips on Getting Your Little Loved Ones to Make and Enjoy Salah
By Maysoon Zaza
In a hadeeth narrated by Abdullah ibn Qart the Messenger of Allah (saws) said,
"The first act that the servant of Allah will be accountable for on the Day of Judgment will be salah. If it is good, then the rest of his acts will be good. And if it is evil, then the rest of his acts will be evil." (Tabarani)
Furthermore, salah was the first act of worship that was made obligatory by Allah. Therefore, due to its extreme importance to the Believer, salah should be one of the first acts of worship that parents should teach their children.
When discussing teaching children how to make salah parents typically ask when is it necessary to begin teaching their children. Let us be realistic; learning how to make salah is not easy for children or in some cases adults. It can take a lot of work to master even the simplest elements of salah. The learner must memorize the various du'aa and Surah's of the Qur'an- not to mention the other required portions of the salah. Furthermore, there must be work on proper pronunciation and rules on how, when, and what makes salah valid. This is not an overnight process but rather one that takes times. Therefore, this leaves us with the question-when should children learn how to make salah?
Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-As, narrated that the Apostle of Allah, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, said, "Command your children to make salah when they become seven years old, and spank them for it (salah) when they become ten years old, and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately." (Abu Dawud). This does not mean that parents can only start teaching their children how to perform it when they reach the age of seven. Rather, informal instruction should start when a child starts to show an interest in salah, which usually occurs around the age of two. It is only human nature that children love to imitate their parents. In fact, this is one method that Allah has provided us for teaching our youth.
Therefore, it is important for parents of small children to let them "pretend" to make the salah along side of the parents. The benefits for this are twofold. First, it teaches children that it is necessary to make salah everyday five times a day. And second, it helps children learn the physical movements of the salah. It really is amazing how fast a two-year-old will learn the phrase Allahu-Akbar when he performs salah along side of his parents!
The next step is to teach your child al-Fatihah. This should begin around the age of three or four. When teaching children Surah's or any other portions of the salah that must be memorized; it is important to remember to break down the instructions by using a reasonable number of verses or small segments. In other words, teaching a child how to perform the salah should be done progressively in small steps. It is important to practice reciting the previously learned material consistently everyday along with any new material. These practice sessions should only last between 5 to 15 minutes. At this age, length of practice is not as important as consistency. Also, it is important to note that not everyday will your child be ready to learn new material. Work on mastery of material not quantity. The other question many parents ask is whether or not to teach Surah's using Tajweed. Actually, many parents find it helpful to combine the two. Children have an amazing ability to remember songs in commercials or various children's song. For many children, the act of singing actually makes it easier to memorize. However, at this age it is important not to focus on the rules of recitation but rather on the content.
While the presence of a teacher or parent teaching children the proper method of making salah can not be underestimated, many parents find supplemental materials helpful in teaching their children how to make salah. Every year new educational products are being introduced into the Muslim market. Today, Muslim parents have available coloring books, storybooks, developmentally appropriate teaching videotapes, audio tapes, and computer programs to enhance the learning process. Generally children learn new tasks best if teaching material is presented in a variety of formats. The use of such material will only help increase the speed and amount of learning for your child not to mention that it will make the experience more enjoyable.
Lastly, one of the most important aspects of successful teaching is praise and encouragement. Remember that children like to please their parents. Also, it is really important that parents praise and celebrate their children's accomplishments. This is especially true for learning how to make salah. After the mastery of a section, children typically feel a strong sense of achievement. Praise motivates the child to continue to learn and accomplish new goals.
First published in Al-Jumuah magazine.
Building Children's Character
Building Children's Character
By Sheikh Muhammad Salih Al-Munajjid
Question:
Many people are concerned about their children’s unstable characters and the effects of luxury on their personalities. How can we introduce strength and honour into our children’s characters?
Answer (by Sheikh Munaajid):
Praise be to Allah.
The issue referred to in the question is one of the most serious problems in raising children nowadays. Some of the Islamic solutions to this problem and ways of instilling strength and honour in our children’s character are listed below:
Takniyyah (using the kunya or patronymic in addressing children:
Calling a young boy "Abu Foolaan" ("Father of so-and-so) or a young girl "Umm Foolaan" ("Mother of so-and-so") will make the child feel more responsible and grown up, so he will become more mature and will feel above normal childishness. The Prophet (Peace & Blessings of Allaah be upon Him) used to give kunyas to children. Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:
"The Prophet (peace and blessings of Alaah be upon him) was the best of people in attitude and manners. I had a brother whom people used to call Abu ‘Umayr. I think he was just past the age of weaning, and whenever he came along the Prophet would say to him, ‘O Abu ‘Umayr, what did the nughayr do (Ya Abaa ‘Umayr ma fa’ala al-nuhgayr)?’" (The nughayr was a small bird with which he used to play). (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 5735).
Umm Khaalid bint Khaalid reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was given some clothes, among which was a small black garment made of silk, known as a khameesah. He said, "Who do you think I should give this to?" The people were silent, then he said, "Bring me Umm Khaalid" and she was carried to him (which indicates that she was very young). He picked up the garment and put it on her, saying, "Enjoy it until it wears out." There was a green or yellow spot on it, and he said, "O Umm Khaalid, this is sanaah" – sanaah means "beautiful" in Ethiopian. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 5375).
According to another report also narrated by al-Bukhaari: "He looked at the khameesah and pointed to it, saying, ‘O Umm Khaalid, this is sanaa, O Umm Khaalid, this is sanaa.'" Sanaa in Ethiopian means beautiful. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 5397).
Taking them to gatherings and letting them sit with grown-ups:
This will increase their understanding and wisdom, and make them try to imitate adults, as well as keeping them from spending too much time on games and entertainment. The Sahaabah used to bring their children with them when they went and sat with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). One of the stories that describe this was narrated by Mu’aawiyah ibn Qurrah from his father, who said: "The Prophet used to sit with a group of his companions. One man had his little son with him; he would bring him from behind and make him sit in front of him…" (Reported by al-Nisaa’i and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Ahkaam al-Janaa’iz).
Talking to them about the heroic deeds of earlier and subsequent generations, Islamic battles and Muslim victories:
This will encourage them to be brave, which is one of the most important parts of being strong and honourable. Al-Zubayr ibn al-‘Awwam had two children, one of whom was present at some of the battles, and the other of whom used to play with the old battle scars on his father’s shoulder. This was reported by ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr, who said that the Companions of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to al-Zubayr on the day of Yarmook, "Will you go and attack, and we will go with you?" He said, "If I attacked, you would be lying." They said, "No, we will do (as we promised)." So he launched an attack (against the Romans), penetrating their ranks and passing straight through, but no one was with him. Then he turned around and came back, and the Romans seized the reins of his horse and wounded him twice in the shoulder. Between these two new wounds was a scar from a wound he had received at Badr. ‘Urwah said, "When I was little, I used to play by putting my fingers in those scars." ‘Urwah said, " ‘Abdullaah ibn al-Zubayr was with him on that day. He was ten years old. He (al-Zubayr) put him on a horse and entrusted him to the care of another man." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 3678).
Commenting on this hadeeth, Ibn Hijr (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: "Al-Zubayr felt that his son ‘Abdullaah was brave and chivalrous, so he put him on a horse, but he feared that he might attempt to do more than he was able, so he put another man with him so that he could feel that he was safe from the attacks of the Romans should he become distracted by the fighting." Ibn al-Mubaarak reported from Hishaam ibn ‘Urwah from his father from ‘Abdullaah ibn al-Zubayr that he was with his father on the day of Yarmook, and when the mushrikoon ran away, he attacked and started killing their wounded, i.e., he finished off every wounded soldier whom he found. This indicates that he was strong and brave from childhood.
Teaching them good manners:
Among the manners that should be taught are those described in the hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him): "The young should greet the old, the passerby should greet one who is sitting, and the small group should greet the larger group." (Al-Bukhaari, 5736).
Giving them the praise and respect they deserve in front of others:
This is made clear by the following hadeeth: Sahl ibn Sa’d (may Allaah be pleased with him) said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was brought a cup and he drank from it. There was a boy, the youngest of all the people, on his right and some elders on his left. He said, "O young boy, will you allow me to give this to these elders?" The boy said, "I will not give away my share of your blessings to anyone, O Messenger of Allah," so he gave the cup to him. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 2180)
Other components of building character in children:
Teaching them useful sports: It is commendable to teach children sports such as archery, swimming and horse riding.
Avoiding humilating them, especially in front of others: Part of treating children respectfully is never belittling their ideas, and encouraging them to take part.
Consulting them and asking for their opinions.
Giving them responsibilities in accordance with their age and abilities.
Teaching them to be brave as appropriate – including how to speak in public.
Making sure their clothes are modest and protecting them from inappropriate clothing, hairstyles, movements and ways of walking.
Making sure that boys do not wear silk, as this is only for women.
Avoiding extravagance, luxury, laziness and idleness: ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) said: "Get used to a rough life, for luxury does not last forever."
Avoiding entertainment or pastime gatherings, singing, music and other wastes of time, because these go against strength, honour and seriousness.
These are some of the ways and means which will increase strength and honour, and protect our children.
And Allah is the One Who guides to the Straight Path.
By Sheikh Muhammad Salih Al-Munajjid
Question:
Many people are concerned about their children’s unstable characters and the effects of luxury on their personalities. How can we introduce strength and honour into our children’s characters?
Answer (by Sheikh Munaajid):
Praise be to Allah.
The issue referred to in the question is one of the most serious problems in raising children nowadays. Some of the Islamic solutions to this problem and ways of instilling strength and honour in our children’s character are listed below:
Takniyyah (using the kunya or patronymic in addressing children:
Calling a young boy "Abu Foolaan" ("Father of so-and-so) or a young girl "Umm Foolaan" ("Mother of so-and-so") will make the child feel more responsible and grown up, so he will become more mature and will feel above normal childishness. The Prophet (Peace & Blessings of Allaah be upon Him) used to give kunyas to children. Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:
"The Prophet (peace and blessings of Alaah be upon him) was the best of people in attitude and manners. I had a brother whom people used to call Abu ‘Umayr. I think he was just past the age of weaning, and whenever he came along the Prophet would say to him, ‘O Abu ‘Umayr, what did the nughayr do (Ya Abaa ‘Umayr ma fa’ala al-nuhgayr)?’" (The nughayr was a small bird with which he used to play). (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 5735).
Umm Khaalid bint Khaalid reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was given some clothes, among which was a small black garment made of silk, known as a khameesah. He said, "Who do you think I should give this to?" The people were silent, then he said, "Bring me Umm Khaalid" and she was carried to him (which indicates that she was very young). He picked up the garment and put it on her, saying, "Enjoy it until it wears out." There was a green or yellow spot on it, and he said, "O Umm Khaalid, this is sanaah" – sanaah means "beautiful" in Ethiopian. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 5375).
According to another report also narrated by al-Bukhaari: "He looked at the khameesah and pointed to it, saying, ‘O Umm Khaalid, this is sanaa, O Umm Khaalid, this is sanaa.'" Sanaa in Ethiopian means beautiful. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 5397).
Taking them to gatherings and letting them sit with grown-ups:
This will increase their understanding and wisdom, and make them try to imitate adults, as well as keeping them from spending too much time on games and entertainment. The Sahaabah used to bring their children with them when they went and sat with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). One of the stories that describe this was narrated by Mu’aawiyah ibn Qurrah from his father, who said: "The Prophet used to sit with a group of his companions. One man had his little son with him; he would bring him from behind and make him sit in front of him…" (Reported by al-Nisaa’i and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Ahkaam al-Janaa’iz).
Talking to them about the heroic deeds of earlier and subsequent generations, Islamic battles and Muslim victories:
This will encourage them to be brave, which is one of the most important parts of being strong and honourable. Al-Zubayr ibn al-‘Awwam had two children, one of whom was present at some of the battles, and the other of whom used to play with the old battle scars on his father’s shoulder. This was reported by ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr, who said that the Companions of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to al-Zubayr on the day of Yarmook, "Will you go and attack, and we will go with you?" He said, "If I attacked, you would be lying." They said, "No, we will do (as we promised)." So he launched an attack (against the Romans), penetrating their ranks and passing straight through, but no one was with him. Then he turned around and came back, and the Romans seized the reins of his horse and wounded him twice in the shoulder. Between these two new wounds was a scar from a wound he had received at Badr. ‘Urwah said, "When I was little, I used to play by putting my fingers in those scars." ‘Urwah said, " ‘Abdullaah ibn al-Zubayr was with him on that day. He was ten years old. He (al-Zubayr) put him on a horse and entrusted him to the care of another man." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 3678).
Commenting on this hadeeth, Ibn Hijr (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: "Al-Zubayr felt that his son ‘Abdullaah was brave and chivalrous, so he put him on a horse, but he feared that he might attempt to do more than he was able, so he put another man with him so that he could feel that he was safe from the attacks of the Romans should he become distracted by the fighting." Ibn al-Mubaarak reported from Hishaam ibn ‘Urwah from his father from ‘Abdullaah ibn al-Zubayr that he was with his father on the day of Yarmook, and when the mushrikoon ran away, he attacked and started killing their wounded, i.e., he finished off every wounded soldier whom he found. This indicates that he was strong and brave from childhood.
Teaching them good manners:
Among the manners that should be taught are those described in the hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him): "The young should greet the old, the passerby should greet one who is sitting, and the small group should greet the larger group." (Al-Bukhaari, 5736).
Giving them the praise and respect they deserve in front of others:
This is made clear by the following hadeeth: Sahl ibn Sa’d (may Allaah be pleased with him) said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was brought a cup and he drank from it. There was a boy, the youngest of all the people, on his right and some elders on his left. He said, "O young boy, will you allow me to give this to these elders?" The boy said, "I will not give away my share of your blessings to anyone, O Messenger of Allah," so he gave the cup to him. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 2180)
Other components of building character in children:
Teaching them useful sports: It is commendable to teach children sports such as archery, swimming and horse riding.
Avoiding humilating them, especially in front of others: Part of treating children respectfully is never belittling their ideas, and encouraging them to take part.
Consulting them and asking for their opinions.
Giving them responsibilities in accordance with their age and abilities.
Teaching them to be brave as appropriate – including how to speak in public.
Making sure their clothes are modest and protecting them from inappropriate clothing, hairstyles, movements and ways of walking.
Making sure that boys do not wear silk, as this is only for women.
Avoiding extravagance, luxury, laziness and idleness: ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) said: "Get used to a rough life, for luxury does not last forever."
Avoiding entertainment or pastime gatherings, singing, music and other wastes of time, because these go against strength, honour and seriousness.
These are some of the ways and means which will increase strength and honour, and protect our children.
And Allah is the One Who guides to the Straight Path.
Educating Your Children About Ramadhan
Educating Your Children About Ramadhan
By Nur Husni, Mukmin.com
In Islam, children who have not reached puberty are not required to fast. However, as parent or guardian, we are encouraged to guide them in fasting. This is like a practice for them, and will let them know the acts of fasting at an early age. Ar-Rubayya' bint Mu'aawiyyah reported:
"The Messenger of Allah SAW sent a man on the morning of the day of Ashura, to the residences of the Ansaar, saying: 'Whoever has spent the morning fasting is to complete his fast. Whoever has not spent this morning fasting should voluntary fast for the remainder of the day.' We fasted after that announcement, as did our young children. We would go to the mosque and make toys stuffed with cotton for them to play with. If one of them started crying due to hunger, we would give them a toy to play with until it was time to eat." [Bukhari and Muslim]
The hadeeth above explains that the Prophet Muhammad SAW encourages all to fast, even those who did not fast in the morning, where they should voluntarily fast for the remainder of the day. For children, you should provide something to keep them occupied, so that they will forget that they are hungry. Narrated Abu Hurairah (r.a.), the Prophet SAW said:
"Seven people will be shaded by Allah (SWT) under His shade on the day when there will be no shade except His." [Bukhari]
The seven as stated in the hadeeth includes a young man who has been brought up in the worship of Allah SWT sincerely from his childhood. Therefore, you should guide your children in being the one who will be shaded by Allah SWT on the Day of Judgment.
You can try various methods to encourage your children to learn about Ramadhaan and fasting. Of course, as a parent, you must play a good role model, where you fast properly and behave according to the teachings of Islam. Your children will learn from your example faster than if you were to teach them. Here are some ways you could try on your children (or nephews, nieces, grandchildren, etc...).
You can encourage young children to fast every fews days and as they grow, encourage them to fast more. Wake them up for the suhoor. For young children, when they have gone through fasting for a few days or so, praise them in front of friends and relatives for their achievement. This gives them a sense of acknowledgement, and they will feel that they are grown up to be able to perform the obligation towards Allah SWT.
Bring the whole family to the mosque for the Maghreeb prayers and break the fast with the Muslim community. Feeling the beauty of fasting where all Muslims rich and poor unite to worship one God, Allah SWT, they will feel encouraged to fast with other fellow Muslims.
You should let your children to eat with you during Maghreeb even though they do not fast. Let them know that you are breaking the fast and teach them the supplication of breaking the fast. You may bring your children to the mosque for the Taraweeh prayer. This will give them the opportunity to learn and get used to it from an early age. If they feel tired, let them sit at the back of the room.
Teach them the importance of charity in the month of Ramadhaan. You should tell them that Allah SWT increases the reward of those who gives charity in Ramadhaan. If they behave wrongly, remind them that they are fasting. Allah SWT may alter the reward of those who behave wrongly during the fasting month.
Finally, on the Eid day, dress the children in the best clothes and take them with you to Eid prayer. Teach them that the Eid is the special feast for Muslims around the world.
Try these tips to educate your children, both boys and girls, in the month of Ramadhaan. InshaaAllah, you will be rewarded in paradise by Allah SWT for bringing them up according to the rules of Islam. Remember, Prophet Muhammad SAW once said:
"One who is given the responsibility of the bringing up of daughters and treats them well, there will be a shield for him from Hell." [Bukhari and Muslim]
By Nur Husni, Mukmin.com
In Islam, children who have not reached puberty are not required to fast. However, as parent or guardian, we are encouraged to guide them in fasting. This is like a practice for them, and will let them know the acts of fasting at an early age. Ar-Rubayya' bint Mu'aawiyyah reported:
"The Messenger of Allah SAW sent a man on the morning of the day of Ashura, to the residences of the Ansaar, saying: 'Whoever has spent the morning fasting is to complete his fast. Whoever has not spent this morning fasting should voluntary fast for the remainder of the day.' We fasted after that announcement, as did our young children. We would go to the mosque and make toys stuffed with cotton for them to play with. If one of them started crying due to hunger, we would give them a toy to play with until it was time to eat." [Bukhari and Muslim]
The hadeeth above explains that the Prophet Muhammad SAW encourages all to fast, even those who did not fast in the morning, where they should voluntarily fast for the remainder of the day. For children, you should provide something to keep them occupied, so that they will forget that they are hungry. Narrated Abu Hurairah (r.a.), the Prophet SAW said:
"Seven people will be shaded by Allah (SWT) under His shade on the day when there will be no shade except His." [Bukhari]
The seven as stated in the hadeeth includes a young man who has been brought up in the worship of Allah SWT sincerely from his childhood. Therefore, you should guide your children in being the one who will be shaded by Allah SWT on the Day of Judgment.
You can try various methods to encourage your children to learn about Ramadhaan and fasting. Of course, as a parent, you must play a good role model, where you fast properly and behave according to the teachings of Islam. Your children will learn from your example faster than if you were to teach them. Here are some ways you could try on your children (or nephews, nieces, grandchildren, etc...).
You can encourage young children to fast every fews days and as they grow, encourage them to fast more. Wake them up for the suhoor. For young children, when they have gone through fasting for a few days or so, praise them in front of friends and relatives for their achievement. This gives them a sense of acknowledgement, and they will feel that they are grown up to be able to perform the obligation towards Allah SWT.
Bring the whole family to the mosque for the Maghreeb prayers and break the fast with the Muslim community. Feeling the beauty of fasting where all Muslims rich and poor unite to worship one God, Allah SWT, they will feel encouraged to fast with other fellow Muslims.
You should let your children to eat with you during Maghreeb even though they do not fast. Let them know that you are breaking the fast and teach them the supplication of breaking the fast. You may bring your children to the mosque for the Taraweeh prayer. This will give them the opportunity to learn and get used to it from an early age. If they feel tired, let them sit at the back of the room.
Teach them the importance of charity in the month of Ramadhaan. You should tell them that Allah SWT increases the reward of those who gives charity in Ramadhaan. If they behave wrongly, remind them that they are fasting. Allah SWT may alter the reward of those who behave wrongly during the fasting month.
Finally, on the Eid day, dress the children in the best clothes and take them with you to Eid prayer. Teach them that the Eid is the special feast for Muslims around the world.
Try these tips to educate your children, both boys and girls, in the month of Ramadhaan. InshaaAllah, you will be rewarded in paradise by Allah SWT for bringing them up according to the rules of Islam. Remember, Prophet Muhammad SAW once said:
"One who is given the responsibility of the bringing up of daughters and treats them well, there will be a shield for him from Hell." [Bukhari and Muslim]
Thursday 24 February 2011
Should a Wife Wait for Her Husband Before She Goes to Hajj
Should a Wife Wait for Her Husband Before She Goes to Hajj?
By IslamOnline.net, Reprinted from their "Ask the Scholar"
Date: 02/Jan/2008
Name of Mufti: Muhammad Nur Abdullah
Topic: Hajj: Merits and Rulings
Name of Questioner: Ahmad
Question: Respected sheikh, as-salamu `alaykum. I performed Hajj before I married, al-hamdulillah. Now my wife wants to perform Hajj, and I have other important financial obligations (children's education and so on). Is Hajj fard (obligatory) on her in this situation? If not, does she have to wait? If she has enough money for herself only, and I do not have sufficient money for the Hajj expenses for myself and four children (since we cannot leave them here, as we do not have any close relatives here), will the Hajj still be fard on her, or does she have to wait till I, as the mahram, can also afford to accompany her? Jazaka Allahu Khayran for your answer.
Answer:
Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Brother, thanks for your question, and your concern about your wife and your family.
If your wife has enough money to perform Hajj, it is obligatory upon her to do so. She is not advised to delay performing Hajj and should offer it as soon as possible. She may go in the company of trustworthy women who have their own mahrams (a non-marriageable male relative) or husbands, with whom her safety is assured.
In his response to your question, Sheikh Muhammad Nur `Abdullah, former president of the ISNA (Islamic Society of North America) and member of the Fiqh Council of North America, states:
"I don’t believe she has to wait until you can afford to accompany her. If she has a sufficient amount of money for her Hajj expenses, she can join a company of trustworthy and reliable Muslim sisters who are also going to perform Hajj.
In this case, you can stay home with the children and allow your wife to go and fulfill her religious obligation. The problem that many people face is that they continue delaying it for ongoing reasons that do not seem to end. A Muslim never knows what might happen and when he is going to meet his Lord."
By IslamOnline.net, Reprinted from their "Ask the Scholar"
Date: 02/Jan/2008
Name of Mufti: Muhammad Nur Abdullah
Topic: Hajj: Merits and Rulings
Name of Questioner: Ahmad
Question: Respected sheikh, as-salamu `alaykum. I performed Hajj before I married, al-hamdulillah. Now my wife wants to perform Hajj, and I have other important financial obligations (children's education and so on). Is Hajj fard (obligatory) on her in this situation? If not, does she have to wait? If she has enough money for herself only, and I do not have sufficient money for the Hajj expenses for myself and four children (since we cannot leave them here, as we do not have any close relatives here), will the Hajj still be fard on her, or does she have to wait till I, as the mahram, can also afford to accompany her? Jazaka Allahu Khayran for your answer.
Answer:
Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Brother, thanks for your question, and your concern about your wife and your family.
If your wife has enough money to perform Hajj, it is obligatory upon her to do so. She is not advised to delay performing Hajj and should offer it as soon as possible. She may go in the company of trustworthy women who have their own mahrams (a non-marriageable male relative) or husbands, with whom her safety is assured.
In his response to your question, Sheikh Muhammad Nur `Abdullah, former president of the ISNA (Islamic Society of North America) and member of the Fiqh Council of North America, states:
"I don’t believe she has to wait until you can afford to accompany her. If she has a sufficient amount of money for her Hajj expenses, she can join a company of trustworthy and reliable Muslim sisters who are also going to perform Hajj.
In this case, you can stay home with the children and allow your wife to go and fulfill her religious obligation. The problem that many people face is that they continue delaying it for ongoing reasons that do not seem to end. A Muslim never knows what might happen and when he is going to meet his Lord."
Single, Muslim, and female: a gendered forecast of the American Muslim community
Single, Muslim, and female: a gendered forecast of the American Muslim community
By Shabana Mir of koonjblog.wordpress.com
Original post is here
Published July 30, 2008
(Zawaj.com Editor's note: I added headers to make the piece more reader-friendly).
Single Women are Objects of Fear and Desire
In traditional faith communities, single women are usually looked upon with fear and desire. They are objects of desire because they hold out the promise of a traditional religious home complete with traditional wife and progeny to perpetuate the lineage and community. The unfulfilled promise they seem to hold out is ripe for the plucking. But they are also feared, and as objects of fear, they inspire often intense monitoring behaviors. In traditional communities, single women are watched and judged far more intensely than are single men. Single women’s main marketable commodity – virginity – is guarded and desired – and feared because it is capable of being spent – and with this spending, the honor of the collective may also be metaphorically dissipated.
Men’s honor does not have far-reaching implications for the community; men are the community and the arbiters of its honor. Women’s honor is guarded and watched as well as cherished and honored.
When single women become numerous in a faith community, leaders and gatekeepers worry. Or should worry. First, because single women, unlike men, may not seek sexual fulfillment (legitimately) outside of wedlock. Second, because they, in fact, can.
"Muslims Don't Date"
Muslims in the diaspora often claim, as does this article that Islam does not allow dating or even that “Muslims don’t date.” This is an interesting claim, and one that merits extensive scholarly examination. Briefly and simplistically, from the perspective of the hadith that discourages one-on-one encounters between men and women because the third of the two is satan, this indeed seems to be the case. In many ways, intimate social engagement between men and women is pregnant, if I may put it thus, with sexual potential. As even popular culture puts it, they’re never really “just friends.”
Many liberal Muslims would argue that the case is not so simple, and they may cite cases from the Prophet’s life and his Companions. Or they may argue that times have changed; that marriage, divorce and indeed gender are no longer what they were, and that it is the spirit of the law rather than the letter in its entirety that must be fervently preserved. Well then, return the conservatives, what is that spirit if it does not include the practice of chastity? And how may chastity be preserved if the floodgates are opened to the Muslim masses by putting single men and women in continuous, risky contact with each other?
And then there are the Muslims who are in-between, neither absolutely conservative nor very liberal. This writer occurs somewhere in that mid-way space. I am committed to the ideal of religious chastity. I am also very aware of the human condition, and the Muslim diasporic condition.
Not all Muslims Have Access to Traditional Support Networks
Many traditional, conservative Muslims (I use both so you can take your pick, really) seek arranged and semi-arranged marriages. Community leaders, parents, relatives, friends and acquaintances set them up with potential mates after the desired characteristics have been explained in full. The couple then meets: this may be anything from a glance at a social event (my brother married an amazing woman in this way, and hit gold), to a meeting between the two while Mom watches over them. At times, the couple may even meet at a restaurant and chat at length, as long as they’re not in a private booth. The purpose in all these arrangements is to prevent the nature of courtship from becoming unduly sexualized. All that comes after marriage.
But not all Muslims marry in this way. Many acidly argue that they don’t have access to the networks that would help set them up with the right person. (And that’s not just converts, by the way, though converts suffer this situation the most). Many would sneer at the past attempts at being set up, and steer away from them. Many, really, do date-date. All the way.
What dating means for individual couples varies a great deal. For some, they may socialize one-on-one extensively, hang out for long periods, and watch movies. Some may even engage in some physical contact without going too far. And of course, some will have sex. And yes, some sleep around. But because the meaning of the term can vary contextually, many Muslims say, to keep it safe and simple, as does the article cited above, “Muslims don’t date.”
The Quran forbids fornication and adultery and describes it as lewdness and a bad path to take. This does not mean that Muslims do not commit fornication, whether in the diaspora or in the Muslim homelands. But from observation, I would argue that, whether because of their recent immigrant origins, their cultural characteristics, global religio-political trends or, as some would claim, something about Islam itself, Muslim women in the US are *relatively* less likely, *overall,” than indigenous faith groups, to have premarital or extramarital sex.
An Agonizing Surplus of Smart, Beautiful Single Muslim Women
As I have watched the community over the past decade, I feel that while religiosity is on the rise, so is something else.
When, in New York, Daisy Khan arranged a Valentine’s Day event for Muslim singles, 15 men and 63 women showed up. The “surplus” of single women in the community is being identified as an issue. Many Muslim women would say, sarcastically, that the surplus is more specific – of smart, mature, beautiful, professional women and no one to match them up with.
For years now, I have agonized, along with my friends, about the disproportionately large numbers of such women and the much lower numbers of truly eligible Muslim men. Many friends have questioned if “he” is out there at all. Many friends have asked me if I can introduce them to someone, and friends have asked me if I can introduce their friends to someone. I pull out my pockets helplessly. Few that I’d introduce to them with confidence, I say. The “good ones” are married, engaged, or, mysteriously, perpetually single. In a community that is dispersed heavily over a geographically extensive area, there are so many single American Muslim women that the mind boggles at the future that awaits the community.
When I was single in my 30s, my parents and community were horrified at the future that awaited me. What would I do? Would I lose my mind? Would I lose my virginity? Would I fall into penury? What does a single woman do when she lives on her own? There were few precedents to guide their wonderment about my future.
What is a Woman to Do?
Marriage is important to Muslims. Chastity is important. Celibacy is frowned upon. Marriage is the Prophet’s way. It is “half of your religion.” It’s not mandatory, but it’s pretty close.
But a strongly recommended religious practice – one that requires a whole other individual for the practice to be performed – can change, under the pressure of circumstance, from “strongly recommended” to “challenging,” and even optional. Sociologically, religious practice is contained within and shaped by the vessel of culture and cultural change. That which today appears to be of momentous consequence to one’s faith may not always have been so.
So what is a woman to do if she can’t find someone to marry? In the ‘80s and ‘90s – (that’s how long I was single!) – I could be bullied to hurry up and “marry someone” (read “anyone”). Precedence could be cited: all of my peers were married and most of them had teenage children by the time I got married. Many of those peers had married not Mr Right but Anyone, and had thereby made good time.
Today, a 30-year old woman, if harassed by community elders, can turn around and ask exactly whom she is supposed to marry. She can wait longer for the right person. She can also argue that a large number of her peers are still single. Numbers cannot be used against her. And numbers – “everyone’s doing it” – is a nest of immense security.
Is There a Smaller Pool of Available Muslim Men?
Traditional Muslims hold that Muslim women may not marry outside the faith and that Muslim men may marry Muslims, Christians or Jews, but there the choices end. So is there a smaller pool of Muslim men available for Muslim women because some of them are marrying non-Muslims? There is little by way of lifestyle-related statistics for American Muslims, so it is hard to tell whether there are just more Muslim women than men, whether Muslim men’s marriages outside the faith impacts numbers significantly, or because some men do marry abroad, traveling abroad to their parents’ birthplaces to enter arranged marriages.
The last-mentioned is neither here nor there because some Muslim women also marry abroad. However, since cultural patterns of gender norms affect women intimately, Muslim women are often heard loudly protesting against the idea of marrying a man from the motherland. For many Muslim men, on the other hand, marrying a woman from the motherland means marrying a momma-replica who looks pretty and is “sweet.” (The reality may or may not be so).
Single Muslim Women Will Speak Out
What we do know is that there are large numbers of single American Muslim women today – in their 40s, 30s, and 20s, and that the community will have to deal with the consequences of this phenomenon. These women aren’t your spinster Aunties who spent their autumn years tending to their brothers’ families. Many of them are bright, independent, extremely articulate, professionally successful, and quite unlikely to take the single status lying down, so to speak. They will not suffer in silence, as the community pities their single plight. They will see that certain norms and practices render their lives difficult, and they will speak out.
In the Muslim homelands, Muslim women were usually “protected” (in good ways and bad) within the homes of fathers, brothers, husbands, in-laws, and sons. Single women who remained independent were not unknown, but were not large in number and remained an anomaly. The protection of a man was essential to a woman’s fulfillment. Wealthy and middle class or educated single women could hold their own, but most single women had to rely on the largesse of relatives. Economic dependence was part of the ugliness of spinsterhood.
In the diaspora, a single American woman still has much to fear when by herself in an apartment or on the street, but independent single women, living and flourishing outside of a traditional Muslim context, will inevitably change the face of the community. Traditional, conservative Muslims may have much to fear from these changes.
Growing Numbers of Muslim Women are Marrying Outside the Faith - What Will the Impact Be?
For instance, growing numbers of Muslim women are marrying outside the faith. Until now, they could be disowned by their families, unless the families came to terms with the situation. Or their husbands could fake conversions and no one would ask him too many questions. Now, as Muslim women marry Jews, Christians, Hindus, atheists and beyond, it will be interesting to see how their children are raised, and how this will affect their children’s identities. It will be interesting to see how this changes the face of the American Muslim community.
For the record, I do not feel that marriage outside the faith is an ideal solution for most religious individuals. In my humble belief and limited experience, faith is a discipline and tradition that requires total living and immersion and not a cafeteria that allows one to wander in and out as one pleases. Marriage is also a discipline and a process that requires the totality of one’s engagement. In other words, neither is a picnic. At least in my observation, I have not encountered many cases of successful service to the two masters of God and marriage. Then there is the issue of raising children. Intensely ecumenical couples have raised children in two or more faiths, but I do not feel that this does justice to any one faith – or even to faith, period.
At the same time, I have also observed that there is a genuine lack of eligible men, and I am no believer in subjection to prolonged suffering. The single life is difficult and lonely, especially for religious people who practice chastity.
Traditional Muslim Attitudes Make it Difficult to Meet Spouses
The dearth of eligible men is not the only reason for marriage outside the faith. Part of the problem is what I discussed earlier in this article, modes of courtship or the lack thereof. Traditional Muslim organizations and contexts have often insisted on forms of gender segregation that sometimes make it extremely difficult to meet and identify spouses. Under the motto “God will provide,” conservative Muslims have frowned upon single men and women talking to each other. Much “talking,” I found in my research on college campuses, therefore takes place on the internet and the phone, because it is less visible and, in fact, not really happening.
Courting” is rejected by the more traditional circles, though many have come to realize that they have to give way. But this grudging “look-away” acceptance will have to develop into something more concrete and theorized if Muslim men and women are to find mates within the community.
Svend once spoke of an Islamic Society of North America convention matrimonial event that took place about a decade ago. Single men and women were chatting with each other, under the eye of organizers. Suddenly an elderly gentleman entered, observed, and reprimanded them, “Brothers, this is not permissible. You should not be doing this.” Svend says, “I wanted to tell him, ‘Uncle, you should be grateful they’re here, and not at the bar across the street from the convention center.’” Because the bar is indeed there, and if Uncle doesn’t go there, many of the kids do.
Many uncles, who had no clue that young people had such choices, have helped young people to silently and without protest drift away from the mosque and the community center. Feeling detached from community contexts, these young people will often behave with perfect reserve from the opposite sex when in Muslim settings (ironically, the safest contexts for courtship to take place), and moved on to dominant majority spaces where they meet and date non-Muslim women.
Notions Change Under Pressure of Circumstances
Inevitably, single status will also change some Muslim women’s approaches toward chastity and sexuality. Boys have always been boys, but American Muslim women have been relatively sexually chaste, if anecdotal evidence and observation is to count. (I am not claiming that “Muslim women don’t sleep around.” I’m making a claim, on the strength of qualitative and not quantitative research, about relative levels of sexual promiscuity.) Recently I have heard of a Muslim group I will not name that has permitted single women to sleep with men (under the category of dire sexual need). My friends have been shocked by the phenomenon.
Like the organization I mentioned, I predict that others will smell the coffee brewing under their noses (responding in perhaps less dramatic ways). Notions of religiosity, chastity, gender, and identity in the Muslim community will change under pressure of these circumstances. Notions of difference, notions of self and notions of the other will also change.
Muslims, when they socialize with Muslims in mosques and Islamic centers, watched over by aunties and uncles from the homeland, may advance claims about what Muslims are and what Muslims do. When more and more Muslims in mixed marriages socialize with mixed-faith/culture groups and raise mixed-faith children, it becomes harder to claim that “Muslims don’t date/drink” or “Muslims eat biryani” or “Muslims don’t sleep around like White folks do.”
I predict that American Muslim identity under such pressures will probably become a much more fluid notion. I do not say this with eagerness. The coziness of a discrete and – well, even slightly insular, contained cultural-religious identity is a comforting thing to come home to. These are the ways in which minoritized and marginalized groups preserve identities that are precious to them, in the midst of pressures to assimilate. Homogamy is one of the main means of maintaining communities and identities. Exogamy is one of the main means that minority faith and cultural groups in the US have dissolved a little (or a lot). And while it’s not all going away, I think it will be a little less possible to bank on it in the future.
For this, if nothing else, we will all have to think hard about our futures and our options.
By Shabana Mir of koonjblog.wordpress.com
Original post is here
Published July 30, 2008
(Zawaj.com Editor's note: I added headers to make the piece more reader-friendly).
Single Women are Objects of Fear and Desire
In traditional faith communities, single women are usually looked upon with fear and desire. They are objects of desire because they hold out the promise of a traditional religious home complete with traditional wife and progeny to perpetuate the lineage and community. The unfulfilled promise they seem to hold out is ripe for the plucking. But they are also feared, and as objects of fear, they inspire often intense monitoring behaviors. In traditional communities, single women are watched and judged far more intensely than are single men. Single women’s main marketable commodity – virginity – is guarded and desired – and feared because it is capable of being spent – and with this spending, the honor of the collective may also be metaphorically dissipated.
Men’s honor does not have far-reaching implications for the community; men are the community and the arbiters of its honor. Women’s honor is guarded and watched as well as cherished and honored.
When single women become numerous in a faith community, leaders and gatekeepers worry. Or should worry. First, because single women, unlike men, may not seek sexual fulfillment (legitimately) outside of wedlock. Second, because they, in fact, can.
"Muslims Don't Date"
Muslims in the diaspora often claim, as does this article that Islam does not allow dating or even that “Muslims don’t date.” This is an interesting claim, and one that merits extensive scholarly examination. Briefly and simplistically, from the perspective of the hadith that discourages one-on-one encounters between men and women because the third of the two is satan, this indeed seems to be the case. In many ways, intimate social engagement between men and women is pregnant, if I may put it thus, with sexual potential. As even popular culture puts it, they’re never really “just friends.”
Many liberal Muslims would argue that the case is not so simple, and they may cite cases from the Prophet’s life and his Companions. Or they may argue that times have changed; that marriage, divorce and indeed gender are no longer what they were, and that it is the spirit of the law rather than the letter in its entirety that must be fervently preserved. Well then, return the conservatives, what is that spirit if it does not include the practice of chastity? And how may chastity be preserved if the floodgates are opened to the Muslim masses by putting single men and women in continuous, risky contact with each other?
And then there are the Muslims who are in-between, neither absolutely conservative nor very liberal. This writer occurs somewhere in that mid-way space. I am committed to the ideal of religious chastity. I am also very aware of the human condition, and the Muslim diasporic condition.
Not all Muslims Have Access to Traditional Support Networks
Many traditional, conservative Muslims (I use both so you can take your pick, really) seek arranged and semi-arranged marriages. Community leaders, parents, relatives, friends and acquaintances set them up with potential mates after the desired characteristics have been explained in full. The couple then meets: this may be anything from a glance at a social event (my brother married an amazing woman in this way, and hit gold), to a meeting between the two while Mom watches over them. At times, the couple may even meet at a restaurant and chat at length, as long as they’re not in a private booth. The purpose in all these arrangements is to prevent the nature of courtship from becoming unduly sexualized. All that comes after marriage.
But not all Muslims marry in this way. Many acidly argue that they don’t have access to the networks that would help set them up with the right person. (And that’s not just converts, by the way, though converts suffer this situation the most). Many would sneer at the past attempts at being set up, and steer away from them. Many, really, do date-date. All the way.
What dating means for individual couples varies a great deal. For some, they may socialize one-on-one extensively, hang out for long periods, and watch movies. Some may even engage in some physical contact without going too far. And of course, some will have sex. And yes, some sleep around. But because the meaning of the term can vary contextually, many Muslims say, to keep it safe and simple, as does the article cited above, “Muslims don’t date.”
The Quran forbids fornication and adultery and describes it as lewdness and a bad path to take. This does not mean that Muslims do not commit fornication, whether in the diaspora or in the Muslim homelands. But from observation, I would argue that, whether because of their recent immigrant origins, their cultural characteristics, global religio-political trends or, as some would claim, something about Islam itself, Muslim women in the US are *relatively* less likely, *overall,” than indigenous faith groups, to have premarital or extramarital sex.
An Agonizing Surplus of Smart, Beautiful Single Muslim Women
As I have watched the community over the past decade, I feel that while religiosity is on the rise, so is something else.
When, in New York, Daisy Khan arranged a Valentine’s Day event for Muslim singles, 15 men and 63 women showed up. The “surplus” of single women in the community is being identified as an issue. Many Muslim women would say, sarcastically, that the surplus is more specific – of smart, mature, beautiful, professional women and no one to match them up with.
For years now, I have agonized, along with my friends, about the disproportionately large numbers of such women and the much lower numbers of truly eligible Muslim men. Many friends have questioned if “he” is out there at all. Many friends have asked me if I can introduce them to someone, and friends have asked me if I can introduce their friends to someone. I pull out my pockets helplessly. Few that I’d introduce to them with confidence, I say. The “good ones” are married, engaged, or, mysteriously, perpetually single. In a community that is dispersed heavily over a geographically extensive area, there are so many single American Muslim women that the mind boggles at the future that awaits the community.
When I was single in my 30s, my parents and community were horrified at the future that awaited me. What would I do? Would I lose my mind? Would I lose my virginity? Would I fall into penury? What does a single woman do when she lives on her own? There were few precedents to guide their wonderment about my future.
What is a Woman to Do?
Marriage is important to Muslims. Chastity is important. Celibacy is frowned upon. Marriage is the Prophet’s way. It is “half of your religion.” It’s not mandatory, but it’s pretty close.
But a strongly recommended religious practice – one that requires a whole other individual for the practice to be performed – can change, under the pressure of circumstance, from “strongly recommended” to “challenging,” and even optional. Sociologically, religious practice is contained within and shaped by the vessel of culture and cultural change. That which today appears to be of momentous consequence to one’s faith may not always have been so.
So what is a woman to do if she can’t find someone to marry? In the ‘80s and ‘90s – (that’s how long I was single!) – I could be bullied to hurry up and “marry someone” (read “anyone”). Precedence could be cited: all of my peers were married and most of them had teenage children by the time I got married. Many of those peers had married not Mr Right but Anyone, and had thereby made good time.
Today, a 30-year old woman, if harassed by community elders, can turn around and ask exactly whom she is supposed to marry. She can wait longer for the right person. She can also argue that a large number of her peers are still single. Numbers cannot be used against her. And numbers – “everyone’s doing it” – is a nest of immense security.
Is There a Smaller Pool of Available Muslim Men?
Traditional Muslims hold that Muslim women may not marry outside the faith and that Muslim men may marry Muslims, Christians or Jews, but there the choices end. So is there a smaller pool of Muslim men available for Muslim women because some of them are marrying non-Muslims? There is little by way of lifestyle-related statistics for American Muslims, so it is hard to tell whether there are just more Muslim women than men, whether Muslim men’s marriages outside the faith impacts numbers significantly, or because some men do marry abroad, traveling abroad to their parents’ birthplaces to enter arranged marriages.
The last-mentioned is neither here nor there because some Muslim women also marry abroad. However, since cultural patterns of gender norms affect women intimately, Muslim women are often heard loudly protesting against the idea of marrying a man from the motherland. For many Muslim men, on the other hand, marrying a woman from the motherland means marrying a momma-replica who looks pretty and is “sweet.” (The reality may or may not be so).
Single Muslim Women Will Speak Out
What we do know is that there are large numbers of single American Muslim women today – in their 40s, 30s, and 20s, and that the community will have to deal with the consequences of this phenomenon. These women aren’t your spinster Aunties who spent their autumn years tending to their brothers’ families. Many of them are bright, independent, extremely articulate, professionally successful, and quite unlikely to take the single status lying down, so to speak. They will not suffer in silence, as the community pities their single plight. They will see that certain norms and practices render their lives difficult, and they will speak out.
In the Muslim homelands, Muslim women were usually “protected” (in good ways and bad) within the homes of fathers, brothers, husbands, in-laws, and sons. Single women who remained independent were not unknown, but were not large in number and remained an anomaly. The protection of a man was essential to a woman’s fulfillment. Wealthy and middle class or educated single women could hold their own, but most single women had to rely on the largesse of relatives. Economic dependence was part of the ugliness of spinsterhood.
In the diaspora, a single American woman still has much to fear when by herself in an apartment or on the street, but independent single women, living and flourishing outside of a traditional Muslim context, will inevitably change the face of the community. Traditional, conservative Muslims may have much to fear from these changes.
Growing Numbers of Muslim Women are Marrying Outside the Faith - What Will the Impact Be?
For instance, growing numbers of Muslim women are marrying outside the faith. Until now, they could be disowned by their families, unless the families came to terms with the situation. Or their husbands could fake conversions and no one would ask him too many questions. Now, as Muslim women marry Jews, Christians, Hindus, atheists and beyond, it will be interesting to see how their children are raised, and how this will affect their children’s identities. It will be interesting to see how this changes the face of the American Muslim community.
For the record, I do not feel that marriage outside the faith is an ideal solution for most religious individuals. In my humble belief and limited experience, faith is a discipline and tradition that requires total living and immersion and not a cafeteria that allows one to wander in and out as one pleases. Marriage is also a discipline and a process that requires the totality of one’s engagement. In other words, neither is a picnic. At least in my observation, I have not encountered many cases of successful service to the two masters of God and marriage. Then there is the issue of raising children. Intensely ecumenical couples have raised children in two or more faiths, but I do not feel that this does justice to any one faith – or even to faith, period.
At the same time, I have also observed that there is a genuine lack of eligible men, and I am no believer in subjection to prolonged suffering. The single life is difficult and lonely, especially for religious people who practice chastity.
Traditional Muslim Attitudes Make it Difficult to Meet Spouses
The dearth of eligible men is not the only reason for marriage outside the faith. Part of the problem is what I discussed earlier in this article, modes of courtship or the lack thereof. Traditional Muslim organizations and contexts have often insisted on forms of gender segregation that sometimes make it extremely difficult to meet and identify spouses. Under the motto “God will provide,” conservative Muslims have frowned upon single men and women talking to each other. Much “talking,” I found in my research on college campuses, therefore takes place on the internet and the phone, because it is less visible and, in fact, not really happening.
Courting” is rejected by the more traditional circles, though many have come to realize that they have to give way. But this grudging “look-away” acceptance will have to develop into something more concrete and theorized if Muslim men and women are to find mates within the community.
Svend once spoke of an Islamic Society of North America convention matrimonial event that took place about a decade ago. Single men and women were chatting with each other, under the eye of organizers. Suddenly an elderly gentleman entered, observed, and reprimanded them, “Brothers, this is not permissible. You should not be doing this.” Svend says, “I wanted to tell him, ‘Uncle, you should be grateful they’re here, and not at the bar across the street from the convention center.’” Because the bar is indeed there, and if Uncle doesn’t go there, many of the kids do.
Many uncles, who had no clue that young people had such choices, have helped young people to silently and without protest drift away from the mosque and the community center. Feeling detached from community contexts, these young people will often behave with perfect reserve from the opposite sex when in Muslim settings (ironically, the safest contexts for courtship to take place), and moved on to dominant majority spaces where they meet and date non-Muslim women.
Notions Change Under Pressure of Circumstances
Inevitably, single status will also change some Muslim women’s approaches toward chastity and sexuality. Boys have always been boys, but American Muslim women have been relatively sexually chaste, if anecdotal evidence and observation is to count. (I am not claiming that “Muslim women don’t sleep around.” I’m making a claim, on the strength of qualitative and not quantitative research, about relative levels of sexual promiscuity.) Recently I have heard of a Muslim group I will not name that has permitted single women to sleep with men (under the category of dire sexual need). My friends have been shocked by the phenomenon.
Like the organization I mentioned, I predict that others will smell the coffee brewing under their noses (responding in perhaps less dramatic ways). Notions of religiosity, chastity, gender, and identity in the Muslim community will change under pressure of these circumstances. Notions of difference, notions of self and notions of the other will also change.
Muslims, when they socialize with Muslims in mosques and Islamic centers, watched over by aunties and uncles from the homeland, may advance claims about what Muslims are and what Muslims do. When more and more Muslims in mixed marriages socialize with mixed-faith/culture groups and raise mixed-faith children, it becomes harder to claim that “Muslims don’t date/drink” or “Muslims eat biryani” or “Muslims don’t sleep around like White folks do.”
I predict that American Muslim identity under such pressures will probably become a much more fluid notion. I do not say this with eagerness. The coziness of a discrete and – well, even slightly insular, contained cultural-religious identity is a comforting thing to come home to. These are the ways in which minoritized and marginalized groups preserve identities that are precious to them, in the midst of pressures to assimilate. Homogamy is one of the main means of maintaining communities and identities. Exogamy is one of the main means that minority faith and cultural groups in the US have dissolved a little (or a lot). And while it’s not all going away, I think it will be a little less possible to bank on it in the future.
For this, if nothing else, we will all have to think hard about our futures and our options.
Muslim College Life; Dating, Drinking and Deen
Muslim College Life; Dating, Drinking and Deen
By Huma Ahmad
Reprinted from Jannah.org
Freedom. Young people live for the day when they can move out of the house and go to college and finally be free. Freedom from their parents, from restrictions on their lifestyle, from everyone telling them what to do. This is why in college you find a whole generation that does what they want. Life's short they say, let's enjoy ourselves while we can.
So it goes for Muslims. In college you find the most amazing things, Muslims who don't pray, Muslims who date, Muslims who attend MSA meetings but go out to parties and drink. Why is this happening?
For one, when students go off to university they finally realize that what they beleived in was blind. Religion becomes like a fairytale, when they got old enough, they knew better than to believe in it. Most have little knowledge about Islam and have maybe memorized the right rituals to get by. Why beleive something on faith, they ask. After all we cannot see heaven or hell. How do we know Islam is right anyway?
Islamic culture to them means marrying someone they never knew. It means arranged marriages and never hanging out or having fun. For girls Islamic culture has even less to offer. It would mean double standards or having to serve a husband the rest of her life.
The western alternative to this looks alot more attractive. In western culture "love and romance" are supposedly everywhere. Everyone is out looking for love freely. Meeting someone, going out, seeking pleasure sounds alot better. But what about the downside? For love at first sight, you need to have the right image, the right hair, the right clothes. Girls have to aspire to be like the latest supermodels, they have to hold back age. Who's going out with who, what are my friends thinking, what will happen if I don't get the right girl or guy, what is my girlfriend or boyfriend thinking, all become important. Frustration, desperation, and unhappiness become the norm.
Imagine all the heartache youth would save if they followed the Islamic alternative. In true Islam, unlike culture, there is no gameplaying. If two people wish to be involved they are both straight with one another. Unlike what goes on today amongst some Muslims, they both meet each other and make a contract to marry. Women are treated with respect, there is no sexual bombardment like there is in western society. Sex in western culture is also often seen as a vice or a sin of the flesh. But even in religious Islam, sex is seen as natural. As long as it is in the right circumstances, when the two are committed to one another in marriage.
Drinking in college is also the norm unfortunately. If you don't drink or party you're seen as weird. Drinking is cool and a way for people to socialize, meet and have fun. The one who doesn't is less of a person and 'misses out'. Drinking and all the harms that come with it is cut off at the root in Islam. So many problems are avoided, accidents, pregnancy, violence and even rape for example.
In college and in the world, success in life is not seen in terms of religion. It is seen as what other people think, one's careers, how much money they make. If you are religious you must have failed at life. But why do we have this seperation? and this blindness in religion?
The Quran tells us again and again not to have blind faith, not to folllow the religion of our forefathers.
Yet, we as Muslims have stopped thinking. We may think about what our friends or other people will say, but we avoid thinking about the real issues. We spend so much time on the opposite sex, thinking about careers, money etc, but we forget to think about death and how much of this we will really be able to take with us?
"Every soul shall have a taste of death and only on the Day of Judgement shall you be paid your full recompense...for the life of this world is but goods and chattels of deception" (Quran 3:185)
Shouldn't we take the time to comtemplate what will happen to us after we hit the grave? After all, what is the point of life if we are not accountable for our actions? If there is no creator, what is the point of being honest or good.
If we really look at our life we see that everything is indefinate, getting a job, even living until tomorrow. In fact we could die anytime, this is a definate, the _only_ dead certain thing in our life. Most of us believe we can make up for our actions later or we can be religious later. We are gambling. The chances of our dying today are little, but the stakes are high. Allah reminds us of the importance of this, "O you who beleive, obey Allah as he should be obeyed, and die not except in a state of Islam" (Quran3:102)
Each of us needs to decide. Is Islam right or not? Why don't we take the time, just once, once in our lives to find out if Islam is right. Is the Quran from God or not? We can't see God, but is there a maker to all this? We need to study nature, and the world. We only live once, if Islam is wrong then we should leave it, but if it's right we shouldn't go halfway. We shouldn't go to a club thinking we are only going to 'hang out and are not doing anything wrong' then feel guilty about it later. We shouldn't go on a date or drink, then feel guilty about it, worrying about hellfire. If Islam is right, we should follow it.
On the Day of Judgement it will be us alone who will be asked about our actions. If Islam is right and we are not following this deen completely, we are injuring our own soul, both in this life and the next.
"Verily We have revealed the Book to thee in truth, for (instructing) mankind. He, then that receives guidance beinfits his own soul: but he that strays injurs his own soul..." Quran 39:41
This is the true definition of freedom. To learn about Islam and the world openly. To contemplate about life and death. And after learning the truth, obeying the word of God. "Those on whom knowledge has been bestowed may learn that the (Quran) is the truth from your Lord, and that they beleive therein, and their hearts may be made humbly (open)to it..." Quran 22:54
Once students have this rock-solid intellectual beleif in Islam, the corruptness and falseness of the people around them is clear. The beauty and wisdom of the islamic way, the best alternative is clear. What other's do is of less importance. If others think they were weird to pray or weird to be honest, they would still pray and still be honest because they know their deen.
The Prophet(SAW)'s famous hadith to 'seek knowledge even if it leads to china' or to 'seek knowledge from the cradle to the grave' is too often forgotten by students. Our Quran's are left on the top shelves, gathering dust. Sometimes the most it is read is when someone dies. How is this to help, when the guidance comes too late. The Quran is for the living. The path to understanding and following Islam comes from learning first.
How many of us are Muslim, yet have never read the Quran in our native language?
How many of us are Muslim, yet have yet to open a book on hadith or sunnah?
How many of us defend Islam to non-Muslims, but do not follow it ourselves?
May Allah forgive and lead us and all those lost to the straight path, inshaAllah.
Ameen.
based on a talk by Abdul Wajid "Born to be Brown", UK
By Huma Ahmad
Reprinted from Jannah.org
Freedom. Young people live for the day when they can move out of the house and go to college and finally be free. Freedom from their parents, from restrictions on their lifestyle, from everyone telling them what to do. This is why in college you find a whole generation that does what they want. Life's short they say, let's enjoy ourselves while we can.
So it goes for Muslims. In college you find the most amazing things, Muslims who don't pray, Muslims who date, Muslims who attend MSA meetings but go out to parties and drink. Why is this happening?
For one, when students go off to university they finally realize that what they beleived in was blind. Religion becomes like a fairytale, when they got old enough, they knew better than to believe in it. Most have little knowledge about Islam and have maybe memorized the right rituals to get by. Why beleive something on faith, they ask. After all we cannot see heaven or hell. How do we know Islam is right anyway?
Islamic culture to them means marrying someone they never knew. It means arranged marriages and never hanging out or having fun. For girls Islamic culture has even less to offer. It would mean double standards or having to serve a husband the rest of her life.
The western alternative to this looks alot more attractive. In western culture "love and romance" are supposedly everywhere. Everyone is out looking for love freely. Meeting someone, going out, seeking pleasure sounds alot better. But what about the downside? For love at first sight, you need to have the right image, the right hair, the right clothes. Girls have to aspire to be like the latest supermodels, they have to hold back age. Who's going out with who, what are my friends thinking, what will happen if I don't get the right girl or guy, what is my girlfriend or boyfriend thinking, all become important. Frustration, desperation, and unhappiness become the norm.
Imagine all the heartache youth would save if they followed the Islamic alternative. In true Islam, unlike culture, there is no gameplaying. If two people wish to be involved they are both straight with one another. Unlike what goes on today amongst some Muslims, they both meet each other and make a contract to marry. Women are treated with respect, there is no sexual bombardment like there is in western society. Sex in western culture is also often seen as a vice or a sin of the flesh. But even in religious Islam, sex is seen as natural. As long as it is in the right circumstances, when the two are committed to one another in marriage.
Drinking in college is also the norm unfortunately. If you don't drink or party you're seen as weird. Drinking is cool and a way for people to socialize, meet and have fun. The one who doesn't is less of a person and 'misses out'. Drinking and all the harms that come with it is cut off at the root in Islam. So many problems are avoided, accidents, pregnancy, violence and even rape for example.
In college and in the world, success in life is not seen in terms of religion. It is seen as what other people think, one's careers, how much money they make. If you are religious you must have failed at life. But why do we have this seperation? and this blindness in religion?
The Quran tells us again and again not to have blind faith, not to folllow the religion of our forefathers.
Yet, we as Muslims have stopped thinking. We may think about what our friends or other people will say, but we avoid thinking about the real issues. We spend so much time on the opposite sex, thinking about careers, money etc, but we forget to think about death and how much of this we will really be able to take with us?
"Every soul shall have a taste of death and only on the Day of Judgement shall you be paid your full recompense...for the life of this world is but goods and chattels of deception" (Quran 3:185)
Shouldn't we take the time to comtemplate what will happen to us after we hit the grave? After all, what is the point of life if we are not accountable for our actions? If there is no creator, what is the point of being honest or good.
If we really look at our life we see that everything is indefinate, getting a job, even living until tomorrow. In fact we could die anytime, this is a definate, the _only_ dead certain thing in our life. Most of us believe we can make up for our actions later or we can be religious later. We are gambling. The chances of our dying today are little, but the stakes are high. Allah reminds us of the importance of this, "O you who beleive, obey Allah as he should be obeyed, and die not except in a state of Islam" (Quran3:102)
Each of us needs to decide. Is Islam right or not? Why don't we take the time, just once, once in our lives to find out if Islam is right. Is the Quran from God or not? We can't see God, but is there a maker to all this? We need to study nature, and the world. We only live once, if Islam is wrong then we should leave it, but if it's right we shouldn't go halfway. We shouldn't go to a club thinking we are only going to 'hang out and are not doing anything wrong' then feel guilty about it later. We shouldn't go on a date or drink, then feel guilty about it, worrying about hellfire. If Islam is right, we should follow it.
On the Day of Judgement it will be us alone who will be asked about our actions. If Islam is right and we are not following this deen completely, we are injuring our own soul, both in this life and the next.
"Verily We have revealed the Book to thee in truth, for (instructing) mankind. He, then that receives guidance beinfits his own soul: but he that strays injurs his own soul..." Quran 39:41
This is the true definition of freedom. To learn about Islam and the world openly. To contemplate about life and death. And after learning the truth, obeying the word of God. "Those on whom knowledge has been bestowed may learn that the (Quran) is the truth from your Lord, and that they beleive therein, and their hearts may be made humbly (open)to it..." Quran 22:54
Once students have this rock-solid intellectual beleif in Islam, the corruptness and falseness of the people around them is clear. The beauty and wisdom of the islamic way, the best alternative is clear. What other's do is of less importance. If others think they were weird to pray or weird to be honest, they would still pray and still be honest because they know their deen.
The Prophet(SAW)'s famous hadith to 'seek knowledge even if it leads to china' or to 'seek knowledge from the cradle to the grave' is too often forgotten by students. Our Quran's are left on the top shelves, gathering dust. Sometimes the most it is read is when someone dies. How is this to help, when the guidance comes too late. The Quran is for the living. The path to understanding and following Islam comes from learning first.
How many of us are Muslim, yet have never read the Quran in our native language?
How many of us are Muslim, yet have yet to open a book on hadith or sunnah?
How many of us defend Islam to non-Muslims, but do not follow it ourselves?
May Allah forgive and lead us and all those lost to the straight path, inshaAllah.
Ameen.
based on a talk by Abdul Wajid "Born to be Brown", UK
Wednesday 23 February 2011
Muslim Wedding Ceremony
Muslim Wedding Ceremony
Muslim wedding ceremony is celebrated with grandeur. Muslim wedding, known as 'Nikaah' in Urdu, can take place at any convenient time, because there is nothing like muhurat (the auspicious time) for the Muslims. Traditionally, the Muslim wedding is held at either the bride or the groom's home. However, in the present time, due to convenience and the availability of enough space to accommodate the long list of guests, Muslim weddings are organized in banquet halls, auditorium as well as community centers. Wherever the wedding is held, all the rituals of the three phases of wedding are strictly followed by the Muslims.
Muslim wedding is divided into pre-wedding, wedding and post-wedding rituals. Pre-wedding rituals largely involve the exchange of sweets, fruits and visits to the bride and groom's houses. The pre-wedding rituals increase the level of excitement among the families of the bride and groom, who keenly look forward to the wedding day. The wedding is organized in an elegant and charming way, while the culmination of the entire ceremony, known as post wedding rituals, is special in its own terms. If you are keen about knowing more about Muslim wedding, then go through our section, where we have provided detailed information on the rituals of Muslim wedding.
Muslim Pre-Wedding Rituals
Known as 'Nikah' in Urdu, the Muslim marriage is the most important ceremony for the Islam. It is a much awaited occasion, wherein the union of two souls is celebrated in an elegant and charming way. It is not just restricted to a single day. The formal procedures are divided into pre-wedding, wedding and post wedding, each being different from the other.
Muslim Wedding Rituals
Wedding is an important turning point in everyone's life. The ceremonious occasion is organized and celebrated in myriad ways all around the world. Different communities of the society have their own way of organizing the most important occasion. The wedding rituals are broadly divided according to the religions.
Muslim Post-Wedding Rituals
In India, wedding is something that cannot be restricted to a single-day celebration. People in different communities, following different religions, have their own way of honoring the newly wed couple, post marriage. The post-wedding rituals followed by Muslims are divided into four phases, wherein the bride is bid goodbye by her family and is welcomed to her 'new home', by the groom's family.
Muslim wedding ceremony is celebrated with grandeur. Muslim wedding, known as 'Nikaah' in Urdu, can take place at any convenient time, because there is nothing like muhurat (the auspicious time) for the Muslims. Traditionally, the Muslim wedding is held at either the bride or the groom's home. However, in the present time, due to convenience and the availability of enough space to accommodate the long list of guests, Muslim weddings are organized in banquet halls, auditorium as well as community centers. Wherever the wedding is held, all the rituals of the three phases of wedding are strictly followed by the Muslims.
Muslim wedding is divided into pre-wedding, wedding and post-wedding rituals. Pre-wedding rituals largely involve the exchange of sweets, fruits and visits to the bride and groom's houses. The pre-wedding rituals increase the level of excitement among the families of the bride and groom, who keenly look forward to the wedding day. The wedding is organized in an elegant and charming way, while the culmination of the entire ceremony, known as post wedding rituals, is special in its own terms. If you are keen about knowing more about Muslim wedding, then go through our section, where we have provided detailed information on the rituals of Muslim wedding.
Muslim Pre-Wedding Rituals
Known as 'Nikah' in Urdu, the Muslim marriage is the most important ceremony for the Islam. It is a much awaited occasion, wherein the union of two souls is celebrated in an elegant and charming way. It is not just restricted to a single day. The formal procedures are divided into pre-wedding, wedding and post wedding, each being different from the other.
Muslim Wedding Rituals
Wedding is an important turning point in everyone's life. The ceremonious occasion is organized and celebrated in myriad ways all around the world. Different communities of the society have their own way of organizing the most important occasion. The wedding rituals are broadly divided according to the religions.
Muslim Post-Wedding Rituals
In India, wedding is something that cannot be restricted to a single-day celebration. People in different communities, following different religions, have their own way of honoring the newly wed couple, post marriage. The post-wedding rituals followed by Muslims are divided into four phases, wherein the bride is bid goodbye by her family and is welcomed to her 'new home', by the groom's family.
Nikah
Nikah
Main article: Nikah
Nikah (Arabic: نكاح, literally: contract[1]) is the first, and most common, form of marriage for Muslims. It is described in the Qur'an in 4:4.[2]
A Muslim bride signing the nikkah nama or marriage certificate.Regulations:
It is aimed to be permanent, but can be terminated by the husband engaging in the divorce process or the wife seeking a divorce.
The couple inherit from each other.
A legal contract is signed when entering the marriage.
If a divorce date is determined in the Nikah contract:
In Sunni jurisprudence, the contract is voided.
In Shia jurisprudence, the contract is transformed into a nikah mut'ah.
Requirement of witnesses:
Sunni: Either, 2 Muslim male adult. Or 1 Muslim male adult and 2 Muslim female adult.
Shia: none[3]
Permission from Wali[4]:
Sunni - Maliki, Shafi'i, Hanbali: Compulsary.
Sunni - Hanafi: Strongly recommended, but not compulsary.
[edit] Nikah mut‘ah
Main article: Nikah mut‘ah
Nikah mut‘ah (Arabic: نكاح متعة,, temporary marriage[5]), often referred as fixed-time marriage. Many of these marriages have a time limit, and is the second form of marriage, and is referred to in Al-Qur'an in Surah An-Nisa ayat 24, 4:24("اسْتَمْتَعْتُمْ"). There is controversy on the Islamic legality of this type of marriage, since Sunnis believe it was abrogated by Muhammad, while Shi'ia hold to Al-Qur'an and the ruling of Imam Ali (a.s.) that it is lawful in which he said "The first to ban Mut'ah was Omar[6]" and "Were it not for Omar banning Mut'ah only the sickest people would commit fornication.[7]" Nikah mut‘ah has a preset time period to the marriage which is stated during the initiation of the contract. Traditionally the couple do not inherit from each other. The man usually is not responsible for the economic welfare of the woman and she usually may leave her home at her own discretion. For these reasons Sunnis frequently compare this type of marriage to adultery or prostitution. Nikah mut‘ah also does not count toward a maximum of wives (four according to the Qur'an). However, similar to normal marriages that are common among Sunnis and Shi'ias, the woman still is given her mahr,and the woman must still observe the iddah, a period of four months at the end of the marriage where she is not permitted to marry in the case she may have become pregnant before the divorce took place. This maintains the proper lineage of children.
[edit] Nikah misyar
Main article: Nikah Misyar
Nikah Misyaar is a Nikah in Sunni's carried out via the normal contractual procedure, with the specificity that the husband and wife give up several rights by their own free will, such as living together, equal division of nights between wives in cases of polygamy, the wife's rights to housing, and maintenance money ("nafaqa"), and the husband's right of homekeeping, and access etc.[8]
[edit] Restrictions on marriage
[edit] Polygamy
Main article: Polygyny in Islam
Allah says in the Holy Quran: (30:21): “And among His signs is that He has created for you, from your selves, mates, that you may incline towards them and find rest in them, and He has engendered love and tenderness between you. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.” Polygyny in Islam is permitted. Polyandry, on the other hand, is strictly prohibited. A man does not need approval of his first wife for a second marriage but he has to let her know and she chooses to stay with him or leave him. A man is responsible to make justice among his wives and never hurts one wife to please another.
[edit] Permissible age
The Kitab al Nikah permits marriage by reaching maturity sexually and mentally (baligh).
[edit] Other religions
Main article: Interfaith marriage in Islam
Traditionally, Muslim jurists hold that Muslim women may only enter into marriage with Muslim men. The Qur'an explicitly allows Muslim men to marry chaste women of the People of the Book, a term which includes Jews and Christians.[9][10]
Some jurists say that Muslim men are prohibited from marrying a woman of the People of the Book if they live in non-Muslim countries.[10]
[edit] Arranged marriages
An engagement may be arranged between families for their children, but Islamic requirements for a legal marriage include the requirement that both parties are able to give informed legal consent (ijab-o-qubul). A marriage without this consent or performed under coercion is considered void and may be annulled on those grounds.
[edit] Adulterers
Islam does not give adulterous men the right to marry a chaste woman and nor may an adulterous woman marry a chaste man, except if the matter has not gone to court and the two purify themselves of this sin by sincere repentance.[11][12]
Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity
—Qur'an 24:26
[edit] Other
A woman or man may propose marriage directly or through an intermediary (matchmaker).
Recognition or celebration of same sex marriage is completely unjustified in the view of Islamic law. Islam forbids homosexuality in Qur'anic injunctions and Islamic tradition.
A marriage is registered by the Qadi who performs the short ceremony.
Unlike the wedding ring in Western societies, there is no visible sign worn to show a woman or a man is married. However, some Muslims have found the wedding ring to be a non-religious tradition and have used a ring.
[edit] Mahr
Main article: Mahr
Mahr is a mandatory gift given by the groom to the bride. Unlike a bride price, however, it is given directly to the bride and not to her father. Although the gift is often money, it can be anything agreed upon by bride and groom such as a house or viable business that is put in her name and can be run and owned entirely by her if she chooses.
[edit] Islamic marriage contract
Main article: Islamic marriage contract
The purpose, rules, and regulations of the Islamic marriage contract. A Muslim marriage is not a sacrament, but a simple, legal agreement in which either partner is free to include conditions. These conditions are stipulated in a written contract. Violating any of the conditions stipulated in this contract is legal grounds for a partner seeking divorce. The first part of the Nikah, marriage ceremony is the signing of the marriage contract itself.
Various traditions may differ in how Nikah is performed because different groups accept different texts as authoritative. Therefore, Sunnis will likely accept the hadith of Muhammad al-Bukhari, while Shia will have their own collections, for example Furu al-Kafi, thus producing different procedures. This contract requires the consent of both parties. There is a tradition, outside of the religion, in some Muslim countries to pre-arrange a marriage for young children. However, the marriage still requires consent for the wedding to legally take place.
Divorce is not forbidden as a last resort, however the dissolution of the contract, Talaq, is often described as the most disliked of permissible things in Islam and should be used as a last resort.
[edit] Walima
Main article: Walima
The Walima is a dinner given by the groom's side of the family to celebrate the welcoming of the bride to the family. It is a strong sunnah (the repetition of an action of Muhammad) and it is recommended to be held the earliest possible day after the Nikah.
[edit] Behavior within marriage
[edit] Rights and obligations of spouses
Main article: Rights and obligations of spouses in Islam
Islam advocates a role-based relationship between husband and wife.
`Abd Allah ibn `Umar narrated:
The Prophet said, "All of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards. The ruler is a guardian and the man is a guardian of his family; the lady is a guardian and is responsible for her husband's house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards."
—Sahih al-Bukhari: Volume 7, Book 62, Number 128
It puts the main responsibility of earning over the husband. Both are obliged to fulfill the other's sexual needs. Both are obliged to treat each other with kindness.
[edit] Separate accommodation for wife
The wife has the right to live in separate accommodation with her husband and children, if she does not like to share it with anyone like her in-law or relatives. This is the view of most of the Hanafi, Shaafa’i and Hanbali fuqaha. She also has the right to refuse to live with her husband's father, mother and siblings.
Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar: That he heard Allah's Apostle saying, "Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charge; the ruler is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects; the man is a guardian in his family and responsible for his charges; a woman is a guardian of her husband's house and responsible for her charges; and the servant is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible for his charge." I definitely heard the above from the Prophet and think that the Prophet also said, "A man is a guardian of his father's property and responsible for his charges; so everyone of you is a guardian and responsible for his charges."[Sahih Bukhari]
This indicates that a wife is responsible for the house of her husband. Also that a man should be the guardian of his family. i.e. after his marriage he moves out of his father's house, and runs his own family affairs and is guardian of his family. In joint family, typically the head is either the father of the husband, or mother of the husband. This also indicates that a husband should look after his parent's house, as " A man is a guardian of his father's property". So a wife should not object to her husband when he is looking after affairs of his parents.[13]
[edit] Sexuality
Main article: Islamic sexual jurisprudence
Sexuality in Islam is largely described by the Qur'an, Islamic tradition, and religious leaders both past and present as being confined to marital relationships between men and women. While most traditions discourage celibacy, all encourage strict chastity and modesty with regards to any relationships across gender lines, holding forth that intimacy as perceived within Islam (encompassing a swath of life more broad than strictly sex) is to be reserved for marriage.
Abd Allah ibn Mas'ud narrated:
We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e., his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual desire."
—Volume 7, Book 62, Number 4:[14]
While adulterous relationships are strictly forbidden, permissible sexual relationships within marriage are described in Islamic sources as great wells of love and closeness for the couple involved. Sexual relationship between married couples are even source of rewards from God as doing the opposite; i.e., satisfying sexual needs through illicit means has punishment. Specific occasions (most notably daytime fasting (see sawm) and menstruation) are times forbidden for intercourse, though not for other ways of touching and being close to one another. Anal sex with one's wife is also strictly prohibited.
[edit] Gender roles
Main article: Gender roles in Islam
[edit] Childrearing
Main article: Islam and children
[edit] Adoption
Main article: Islamic adoptional jurisprudence
Islam has its own rules of regulations regarding adoption, with distinct rules and regulations prior to and after the legal adoption. Muslims are allowed to adopt as long as they do not change the name of the child they adopt. Muslims are usually required to let any such children continue the lineage of their birth parents, and are not allowed to make the children follow the adopting parents' lineage.
Adoption is almost impossible in several Arabic-speaking countries such as Egypt that follow Islam due to complex Islamic laws and bureaucracy.[15]
[edit] Divorce
Main article: Talaq (Nikah)
The typical way to end a marriage is through Talaq, a legal Islamic divorce. However, the wife can obtain a divorce (Khula) and annulments do occur as well.
[edit] Shia Islam
In Shia Islam, a divorce is a procedure that is threefold:
Initiation
the divorce is announced publicly (triple talaq is illegal)
Reconciliation
the couple will try to reconcile differences
Completion
with two witnesses and after the Iddah period has expired, the divorce is complete.
[edit] Sunni Islam
In Sunni Islam there is triple talaq, it is a practice in which the couple divorces when a husband declares the intention three times[citation needed]. Islamic tradition maintains that the wife cannot remarry until after a period called Iddah, that is the period of three months or more specifically three menstrual cycles, so that it is evident that the wife is not pregnant. Furthermore, after the divorce is final the couple may not remarry until the wife has married and divorced another.
Abu Suhail an-Nafi narrated:-
Ibn 'Umar bin Al-Khattab divorced his wife during her menses. Allah's Apostle ordered him to take her back till she became clean, and when she got another period while she was with him, she should wait till she became clean again and only then, if he wanted to divorce her, he could do so before having sexual relations with her. And that is the period Allah has fixed for divorcing women. Whenever 'Abdullah (bin 'Umar) was asked about that, he would say to the questioner, "If you divorced her thrice, she is no longer lawful for you unless she marries another man (and the other man divorces her in his turn).' Ibn 'Umar further said, 'Would that you (people) only give one or two divorces, because the Prophet has ordered me so."
—Sahih al-Bukhari: Volume 7, Book 63, Number 249
Sa'id ibn Jubayr narrated:
Ibn 'Umar divorced his wife while she was having her menses. 'Umar asked the Prophet who said, "Order him (your son) to take her back, and then divorced her before her period of the 'Iddah has elapsed." I asked Ibn 'Umar, "Will that divorce (during the menses) be counted?" He replied, "If somebody behaves foolishly (will his foolishness be an excuse for his misbehavior)?"
—Sahih al-Bukhari Volume 7, Book 63, Number 250
[edit] See also
Marriage and wedding customs in Islam
Women in Islam
Nikah Ijtimah
Islam and slavery#Concubinage
Nikah Halala
Beena - a form of marriage used in pre-Islamic Arabia
The Sermon for Necessities
[edit] References
^ Nikah.com Information: Definitiion of Nikah (Islamic marriage)
^ Qur'an 4:4
^ Witnesses for Marriage
^ Nikah without Parents Knowledge?
^ Answering-Ansar.org :: Mut'ah, a comprehensive guide
^ http://www.answering-ansar.org/answers/mutah/al_awail.jpg
^ http://www.answering-ansar.org/answers/mutah/tafsir_kabir_v4_p41.jpg
^ Al-Qaradawi, Yusuf : Misyar marriage
^ Qur'an 5:5
^ a b El Fadl, Abou (2006). "On Christian Men marrying Muslim Women". Scholar of the House. http://www.scholarofthehouse.com/oninma.html. Retrieved 2008-01-20.
^ Qur'an 24:3, Qur'an 2:221
^ Javed Ahmed Ghamidi, Mizan, Chapter:The Social Law of Islam, Al-Mawrid
^ Rights of Spouses and issues with joint family
^ Wedlock, Marriage (Nikaah)
^ International Adoption - Egypt
[edit] Further reading
Ali, Kecia (2010). Marriage and Slavery in Early Islam. Harvard University Press. ISBN 9780674050594.
[edit] External links
Rights of husband and wife, and issues with joint family system
The Etiquettes of Muslim Marriage
Islamic Philosophy of Marriage
VIDEO: British Man and French Woman talk about Becoming Muslims and how they got married.
VIDEO: A French Muslim Convert Talks about Hijab and Marriage
crescentlife.com's "Fundamentals of a happy marriage", credited to Shahina Siddiqui. A Muslim view of marriage structured around "21 F's", words beginning in F such as Faith, Forgiving, Forget, Forbearance, and so on. Similar content exists in multiple other sources, credited to various authors or uncredited.
Why Muslim Singles Cannot Get Married
The Wali in Islam:1,2,3,4,5
Islam Marriages and Qur’an Teachings
QuranicPath | Marriage of Believers
Main article: Nikah
Nikah (Arabic: نكاح, literally: contract[1]) is the first, and most common, form of marriage for Muslims. It is described in the Qur'an in 4:4.[2]
A Muslim bride signing the nikkah nama or marriage certificate.Regulations:
It is aimed to be permanent, but can be terminated by the husband engaging in the divorce process or the wife seeking a divorce.
The couple inherit from each other.
A legal contract is signed when entering the marriage.
If a divorce date is determined in the Nikah contract:
In Sunni jurisprudence, the contract is voided.
In Shia jurisprudence, the contract is transformed into a nikah mut'ah.
Requirement of witnesses:
Sunni: Either, 2 Muslim male adult. Or 1 Muslim male adult and 2 Muslim female adult.
Shia: none[3]
Permission from Wali[4]:
Sunni - Maliki, Shafi'i, Hanbali: Compulsary.
Sunni - Hanafi: Strongly recommended, but not compulsary.
[edit] Nikah mut‘ah
Main article: Nikah mut‘ah
Nikah mut‘ah (Arabic: نكاح متعة,, temporary marriage[5]), often referred as fixed-time marriage. Many of these marriages have a time limit, and is the second form of marriage, and is referred to in Al-Qur'an in Surah An-Nisa ayat 24, 4:24("اسْتَمْتَعْتُمْ"). There is controversy on the Islamic legality of this type of marriage, since Sunnis believe it was abrogated by Muhammad, while Shi'ia hold to Al-Qur'an and the ruling of Imam Ali (a.s.) that it is lawful in which he said "The first to ban Mut'ah was Omar[6]" and "Were it not for Omar banning Mut'ah only the sickest people would commit fornication.[7]" Nikah mut‘ah has a preset time period to the marriage which is stated during the initiation of the contract. Traditionally the couple do not inherit from each other. The man usually is not responsible for the economic welfare of the woman and she usually may leave her home at her own discretion. For these reasons Sunnis frequently compare this type of marriage to adultery or prostitution. Nikah mut‘ah also does not count toward a maximum of wives (four according to the Qur'an). However, similar to normal marriages that are common among Sunnis and Shi'ias, the woman still is given her mahr,and the woman must still observe the iddah, a period of four months at the end of the marriage where she is not permitted to marry in the case she may have become pregnant before the divorce took place. This maintains the proper lineage of children.
[edit] Nikah misyar
Main article: Nikah Misyar
Nikah Misyaar is a Nikah in Sunni's carried out via the normal contractual procedure, with the specificity that the husband and wife give up several rights by their own free will, such as living together, equal division of nights between wives in cases of polygamy, the wife's rights to housing, and maintenance money ("nafaqa"), and the husband's right of homekeeping, and access etc.[8]
[edit] Restrictions on marriage
[edit] Polygamy
Main article: Polygyny in Islam
Allah says in the Holy Quran: (30:21): “And among His signs is that He has created for you, from your selves, mates, that you may incline towards them and find rest in them, and He has engendered love and tenderness between you. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect.” Polygyny in Islam is permitted. Polyandry, on the other hand, is strictly prohibited. A man does not need approval of his first wife for a second marriage but he has to let her know and she chooses to stay with him or leave him. A man is responsible to make justice among his wives and never hurts one wife to please another.
[edit] Permissible age
The Kitab al Nikah permits marriage by reaching maturity sexually and mentally (baligh).
[edit] Other religions
Main article: Interfaith marriage in Islam
Traditionally, Muslim jurists hold that Muslim women may only enter into marriage with Muslim men. The Qur'an explicitly allows Muslim men to marry chaste women of the People of the Book, a term which includes Jews and Christians.[9][10]
Some jurists say that Muslim men are prohibited from marrying a woman of the People of the Book if they live in non-Muslim countries.[10]
[edit] Arranged marriages
An engagement may be arranged between families for their children, but Islamic requirements for a legal marriage include the requirement that both parties are able to give informed legal consent (ijab-o-qubul). A marriage without this consent or performed under coercion is considered void and may be annulled on those grounds.
[edit] Adulterers
Islam does not give adulterous men the right to marry a chaste woman and nor may an adulterous woman marry a chaste man, except if the matter has not gone to court and the two purify themselves of this sin by sincere repentance.[11][12]
Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity
—Qur'an 24:26
[edit] Other
A woman or man may propose marriage directly or through an intermediary (matchmaker).
Recognition or celebration of same sex marriage is completely unjustified in the view of Islamic law. Islam forbids homosexuality in Qur'anic injunctions and Islamic tradition.
A marriage is registered by the Qadi who performs the short ceremony.
Unlike the wedding ring in Western societies, there is no visible sign worn to show a woman or a man is married. However, some Muslims have found the wedding ring to be a non-religious tradition and have used a ring.
[edit] Mahr
Main article: Mahr
Mahr is a mandatory gift given by the groom to the bride. Unlike a bride price, however, it is given directly to the bride and not to her father. Although the gift is often money, it can be anything agreed upon by bride and groom such as a house or viable business that is put in her name and can be run and owned entirely by her if she chooses.
[edit] Islamic marriage contract
Main article: Islamic marriage contract
The purpose, rules, and regulations of the Islamic marriage contract. A Muslim marriage is not a sacrament, but a simple, legal agreement in which either partner is free to include conditions. These conditions are stipulated in a written contract. Violating any of the conditions stipulated in this contract is legal grounds for a partner seeking divorce. The first part of the Nikah, marriage ceremony is the signing of the marriage contract itself.
Various traditions may differ in how Nikah is performed because different groups accept different texts as authoritative. Therefore, Sunnis will likely accept the hadith of Muhammad al-Bukhari, while Shia will have their own collections, for example Furu al-Kafi, thus producing different procedures. This contract requires the consent of both parties. There is a tradition, outside of the religion, in some Muslim countries to pre-arrange a marriage for young children. However, the marriage still requires consent for the wedding to legally take place.
Divorce is not forbidden as a last resort, however the dissolution of the contract, Talaq, is often described as the most disliked of permissible things in Islam and should be used as a last resort.
[edit] Walima
Main article: Walima
The Walima is a dinner given by the groom's side of the family to celebrate the welcoming of the bride to the family. It is a strong sunnah (the repetition of an action of Muhammad) and it is recommended to be held the earliest possible day after the Nikah.
[edit] Behavior within marriage
[edit] Rights and obligations of spouses
Main article: Rights and obligations of spouses in Islam
Islam advocates a role-based relationship between husband and wife.
`Abd Allah ibn `Umar narrated:
The Prophet said, "All of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards. The ruler is a guardian and the man is a guardian of his family; the lady is a guardian and is responsible for her husband's house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards."
—Sahih al-Bukhari: Volume 7, Book 62, Number 128
It puts the main responsibility of earning over the husband. Both are obliged to fulfill the other's sexual needs. Both are obliged to treat each other with kindness.
[edit] Separate accommodation for wife
The wife has the right to live in separate accommodation with her husband and children, if she does not like to share it with anyone like her in-law or relatives. This is the view of most of the Hanafi, Shaafa’i and Hanbali fuqaha. She also has the right to refuse to live with her husband's father, mother and siblings.
Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar: That he heard Allah's Apostle saying, "Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charge; the ruler is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects; the man is a guardian in his family and responsible for his charges; a woman is a guardian of her husband's house and responsible for her charges; and the servant is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible for his charge." I definitely heard the above from the Prophet and think that the Prophet also said, "A man is a guardian of his father's property and responsible for his charges; so everyone of you is a guardian and responsible for his charges."[Sahih Bukhari]
This indicates that a wife is responsible for the house of her husband. Also that a man should be the guardian of his family. i.e. after his marriage he moves out of his father's house, and runs his own family affairs and is guardian of his family. In joint family, typically the head is either the father of the husband, or mother of the husband. This also indicates that a husband should look after his parent's house, as " A man is a guardian of his father's property". So a wife should not object to her husband when he is looking after affairs of his parents.[13]
[edit] Sexuality
Main article: Islamic sexual jurisprudence
Sexuality in Islam is largely described by the Qur'an, Islamic tradition, and religious leaders both past and present as being confined to marital relationships between men and women. While most traditions discourage celibacy, all encourage strict chastity and modesty with regards to any relationships across gender lines, holding forth that intimacy as perceived within Islam (encompassing a swath of life more broad than strictly sex) is to be reserved for marriage.
Abd Allah ibn Mas'ud narrated:
We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e., his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual desire."
—Volume 7, Book 62, Number 4:[14]
While adulterous relationships are strictly forbidden, permissible sexual relationships within marriage are described in Islamic sources as great wells of love and closeness for the couple involved. Sexual relationship between married couples are even source of rewards from God as doing the opposite; i.e., satisfying sexual needs through illicit means has punishment. Specific occasions (most notably daytime fasting (see sawm) and menstruation) are times forbidden for intercourse, though not for other ways of touching and being close to one another. Anal sex with one's wife is also strictly prohibited.
[edit] Gender roles
Main article: Gender roles in Islam
[edit] Childrearing
Main article: Islam and children
[edit] Adoption
Main article: Islamic adoptional jurisprudence
Islam has its own rules of regulations regarding adoption, with distinct rules and regulations prior to and after the legal adoption. Muslims are allowed to adopt as long as they do not change the name of the child they adopt. Muslims are usually required to let any such children continue the lineage of their birth parents, and are not allowed to make the children follow the adopting parents' lineage.
Adoption is almost impossible in several Arabic-speaking countries such as Egypt that follow Islam due to complex Islamic laws and bureaucracy.[15]
[edit] Divorce
Main article: Talaq (Nikah)
The typical way to end a marriage is through Talaq, a legal Islamic divorce. However, the wife can obtain a divorce (Khula) and annulments do occur as well.
[edit] Shia Islam
In Shia Islam, a divorce is a procedure that is threefold:
Initiation
the divorce is announced publicly (triple talaq is illegal)
Reconciliation
the couple will try to reconcile differences
Completion
with two witnesses and after the Iddah period has expired, the divorce is complete.
[edit] Sunni Islam
In Sunni Islam there is triple talaq, it is a practice in which the couple divorces when a husband declares the intention three times[citation needed]. Islamic tradition maintains that the wife cannot remarry until after a period called Iddah, that is the period of three months or more specifically three menstrual cycles, so that it is evident that the wife is not pregnant. Furthermore, after the divorce is final the couple may not remarry until the wife has married and divorced another.
Abu Suhail an-Nafi narrated:-
Ibn 'Umar bin Al-Khattab divorced his wife during her menses. Allah's Apostle ordered him to take her back till she became clean, and when she got another period while she was with him, she should wait till she became clean again and only then, if he wanted to divorce her, he could do so before having sexual relations with her. And that is the period Allah has fixed for divorcing women. Whenever 'Abdullah (bin 'Umar) was asked about that, he would say to the questioner, "If you divorced her thrice, she is no longer lawful for you unless she marries another man (and the other man divorces her in his turn).' Ibn 'Umar further said, 'Would that you (people) only give one or two divorces, because the Prophet has ordered me so."
—Sahih al-Bukhari: Volume 7, Book 63, Number 249
Sa'id ibn Jubayr narrated:
Ibn 'Umar divorced his wife while she was having her menses. 'Umar asked the Prophet who said, "Order him (your son) to take her back, and then divorced her before her period of the 'Iddah has elapsed." I asked Ibn 'Umar, "Will that divorce (during the menses) be counted?" He replied, "If somebody behaves foolishly (will his foolishness be an excuse for his misbehavior)?"
—Sahih al-Bukhari Volume 7, Book 63, Number 250
[edit] See also
Marriage and wedding customs in Islam
Women in Islam
Nikah Ijtimah
Islam and slavery#Concubinage
Nikah Halala
Beena - a form of marriage used in pre-Islamic Arabia
The Sermon for Necessities
[edit] References
^ Nikah.com Information: Definitiion of Nikah (Islamic marriage)
^ Qur'an 4:4
^ Witnesses for Marriage
^ Nikah without Parents Knowledge?
^ Answering-Ansar.org :: Mut'ah, a comprehensive guide
^ http://www.answering-ansar.org/answers/mutah/al_awail.jpg
^ http://www.answering-ansar.org/answers/mutah/tafsir_kabir_v4_p41.jpg
^ Al-Qaradawi, Yusuf : Misyar marriage
^ Qur'an 5:5
^ a b El Fadl, Abou (2006). "On Christian Men marrying Muslim Women". Scholar of the House. http://www.scholarofthehouse.com/oninma.html. Retrieved 2008-01-20.
^ Qur'an 24:3, Qur'an 2:221
^ Javed Ahmed Ghamidi, Mizan, Chapter:The Social Law of Islam, Al-Mawrid
^ Rights of Spouses and issues with joint family
^ Wedlock, Marriage (Nikaah)
^ International Adoption - Egypt
[edit] Further reading
Ali, Kecia (2010). Marriage and Slavery in Early Islam. Harvard University Press. ISBN 9780674050594.
[edit] External links
Rights of husband and wife, and issues with joint family system
The Etiquettes of Muslim Marriage
Islamic Philosophy of Marriage
VIDEO: British Man and French Woman talk about Becoming Muslims and how they got married.
VIDEO: A French Muslim Convert Talks about Hijab and Marriage
crescentlife.com's "Fundamentals of a happy marriage", credited to Shahina Siddiqui. A Muslim view of marriage structured around "21 F's", words beginning in F such as Faith, Forgiving, Forget, Forbearance, and so on. Similar content exists in multiple other sources, credited to various authors or uncredited.
Why Muslim Singles Cannot Get Married
The Wali in Islam:1,2,3,4,5
Islam Marriages and Qur’an Teachings
QuranicPath | Marriage of Believers
Tuesday 22 February 2011
Dress & Diet
Dress & Diet
Islam allows Muslims to eat everything which is healthy and good. It restricts certain items such as pork and its by-products, alcohol and any narcotic or addictive drugs (except for medicinal reasons).
According to the Quran men and women are equal before God; both created for the sole purpose of worshipping God through faith and good deeds. Islam means .Peace. and this is achieved when a person focuses on God, giving his or her entire mind, heart and soul to none other than the Creator. This liberates him or her from human subjugation; replacing fear with self-respect, weakness with strength, and conflict with tranquility.
Muslim men and women are thus both enjoined to dress modestly (called Hijab)covering the body in loose, non-transparent clothing. Islam has no fixed standard as to the style of dress or type of clothing that Muslims must wear and this varies across regions depending on cultures. This allows Muslims to focus on higher pursuits and encourages respectful interaction between the genders.
Islamic dress takes on many beautiful forms, reflecting the cultural diversity of Muslims from all over the world
Islam allows Muslims to eat everything which is healthy and good. It restricts certain items such as pork and its by-products, alcohol and any narcotic or addictive drugs (except for medicinal reasons).
According to the Quran men and women are equal before God; both created for the sole purpose of worshipping God through faith and good deeds. Islam means .Peace. and this is achieved when a person focuses on God, giving his or her entire mind, heart and soul to none other than the Creator. This liberates him or her from human subjugation; replacing fear with self-respect, weakness with strength, and conflict with tranquility.
Muslim men and women are thus both enjoined to dress modestly (called Hijab)covering the body in loose, non-transparent clothing. Islam has no fixed standard as to the style of dress or type of clothing that Muslims must wear and this varies across regions depending on cultures. This allows Muslims to focus on higher pursuits and encourages respectful interaction between the genders.
Islamic dress takes on many beautiful forms, reflecting the cultural diversity of Muslims from all over the world
Monday 21 February 2011
10 Tips on How to Be a Successful Husband
10 Tips on How to Be a Successful Husband
Prepared by Muhammad AlShareef, Reprinted from Islamway.com
1. Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good.When was the last time us men went shopping for designer pajamas? Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.
2. Use the cutest names for your wife. Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt their feelings.
3. Don't treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it 'bugs' us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day - which brings no attention from the husband - until she does something to 'bug' him. Don't treat her like this; recognize all the good that she does and focus on that.
4. If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment! This is one of the ways Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives - radi Allahu 'anhunn. It's a technique that few Muslim men have mastered.
5. Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Ahadith when Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - would kiss his wife before leaving for Salah, even if he was fasting.
6. Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only acknowledgement she receives is that there needed to be more salt in the soup. Don't let that be; thank her!
7. Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what gives your wife pleasure. You don't have to play a guessing game, ask her and work on repeating those times in your life.
8. Don't belittle her desires. Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah - radi Allahu 'anha - was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.
9. Be humorous and Play games with your wife. Look at how Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - would race his wife Aisha - radi Allahu 'anha - in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?
10. Always remember the words of Allah's Messenger - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam: "The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family." Try to be the best!
In conclusion: Never forget to make Dua to Allah - azza wa jall - to make your marriage successful. And Allah ta'ala knows best !!
Prepared by Muhammad AlShareef, Reprinted from Islamway.com
1. Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good.When was the last time us men went shopping for designer pajamas? Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.
2. Use the cutest names for your wife. Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt their feelings.
3. Don't treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it 'bugs' us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day - which brings no attention from the husband - until she does something to 'bug' him. Don't treat her like this; recognize all the good that she does and focus on that.
4. If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment! This is one of the ways Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives - radi Allahu 'anhunn. It's a technique that few Muslim men have mastered.
5. Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Ahadith when Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - would kiss his wife before leaving for Salah, even if he was fasting.
6. Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only acknowledgement she receives is that there needed to be more salt in the soup. Don't let that be; thank her!
7. Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what gives your wife pleasure. You don't have to play a guessing game, ask her and work on repeating those times in your life.
8. Don't belittle her desires. Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah - radi Allahu 'anha - was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.
9. Be humorous and Play games with your wife. Look at how Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - would race his wife Aisha - radi Allahu 'anha - in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?
10. Always remember the words of Allah's Messenger - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam: "The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family." Try to be the best!
In conclusion: Never forget to make Dua to Allah - azza wa jall - to make your marriage successful. And Allah ta'ala knows best !!
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